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optimism? ; Friday, March 20, 2009 00:40
justin has always told me to look on the brighter side of things. i've in fact, been very optimistic. well, i'm trying.
i don't care if anyone reads this post but i'll get whatever's on my chest out right now. if you don't wish to see the vulgar side of me, quit reading now.
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i've been taking the taxi home for the past three days including today. and the midnight charge doesn't help anything.
i've been consulting the doctor against my parents wishes, and that's left me in a pool of more than $600 in debt. my parents tell me, "you don't recover even when you see the doctor, why continue and waste money?".
when singapore is reeling from the recession, they get two keys to unlock the reserves. i can't even unlock the first key - my parents. if you think i'm loaded, think again. i'm just more generous than most people.
put it this way. i have $8 to get through the rest of my holidays till school starts. i don't get enough allowance, and my friends already stretched their finances to lend me money. you think i don't feel guilty to be imposing on people?
two more days to cheerobics and there's still changes.
cheerleading is seriously giving me enough fucking stress and i wish that i could just give up now. no, that would be irresponsible on my part.
i give my best every training. i try to look as perfect as i can be. other than a handful of people, who really cares about me. all everyone bothers is performance. simply said, if you're the best, we love you. if you suck, just fuck off.
i don't know how long i can continue. living my life as a pretence. everyone just seems to fake.
i'm stressing myself to the maximum and i don't know how long can i take it. the doctor said stressing would hurt my condition. do you think it's my choice?
i just want to forget everything and start anew. maybe into a cca-less and stress-less life with just one or two close people i can really confide in.
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this is not a suicide note. i'm in a clear mind and i know every word i've said and you can hold me responsible for my actions.
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