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; Tuesday, March 31, 2009 14:39
i resolve to leave the cheerleading training ground before 2200 everyday unless someone wants to sponsor me cab home.
i thought hard on whether to post the following but i'm going to go ahead with it because i feel that people who are related to him should know.
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qiming told me last night that his mother's condition had worsened. i was keeping faith and i wanted him to do the same.
then he messaged me this morning that his mother had passed away. i sat in my bed for an hour, and at a loss of words. i didn't know what to say. i don't even know what to feel.
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in the past year, many people have been taken away from me, regardless of whether i was close to them or not.
i don't think i'm in the right mood for training today.
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cheerleading-(chapter 2) ; Monday, March 30, 2009 23:30
met shiyuan at amksec market to take passport photo. $7 for 4 pieces. i think taking at my old house is cheaper.
went opposite school to eat chicken chop. few pieces of very-salted cold fries, black pepper sauce used for cooking chinese dishes and one spoonful of baked beans for $3.80. another reason for not anyhow trying random western food stalls.
chapter two of my cheerleading has officially started today, although i've made no definite decision on my future.
special guest andra came today and we didn't really attempt any form of training. did loads of random things. somehow wondering what are we going to do tomorrow.
coming online to blog today is an exception because training finished at 2117 today.
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qing ming ; Sunday, March 29, 2009 17:31
it doesn't pay to be kind. my mother has always told me not to be too kind. i was stubborn so i was taken advantage of. gladly, i've learnt my lesson.
went to the cemetery with my paternal side for the first time since i couldn't remember. woke up at 0615. i woke up the same time last week for nationals.
the weather was hot as usual. i was practically crying while burning incense because the smoke was going into my eyes.
had malaysian-style prawn noodles after that at upper bukit timah road.
i managed to drag myself out of the house at went to the gym myself despite the hot weather. tried running but my ankle hurts too badly. wondering how am i going to train tomorrow.
i managed to find a working version of football manager 2009! anyone wants, text me.
and here's the link for my performance at cheerobics:
-->tp blazers (team)<<--
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overcrowding in singapore ; Friday, March 27, 2009 21:15
i was in the bus on my way to my grandmother's house when i realised through the corner of my eyes that someone was waving at me.
and it turned out to be mrs lai! second or third time i met her at the bus stop already.
we chatted and i realised that cheerleading in amksec was still active. should go back and see their training one day since i'm having the holidays now.
the double deck service 88 was fully packed. looked worse than two cans of sardine without the tomato sauce. the traffic was heavy. it took me 20 minutes to travel 5 bus stops. it's about the same time i take to walk that distance.
there's a serious problem of overcrowding in singapore. try boarding the bus anywhere at 1930. if not for my bus concession, i would have walked.
anyway, met qiming and shiyuan to play soccer today. i swear that outdoor activities during the day is not possible in singapore. played 20 minutes and got sunburned.
terence requested for a longer review. i'll write one when i think of it. (:
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case closed ; Thursday, March 26, 2009 10:45
case closed.
when i wake up the next morning, i realise how childish i was the night before.
they're right. a new day brings a fresh start. (:
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you're frustrated, how about me? ; Wednesday, March 25, 2009 23:09
i'm just so fucking angry now.
first, you call me 13 times at 0230 in the morning with an unknown number just to borrow chanmeng's bicycle.
i love my secondary school friends because all the ever call for is to ask for directions or to borrow things. thats life.
then when i tell you today that my spare key can't open the lock, you tell me that you're bringing your father's tool to break the lock open, right at my doorstep. what do you expect me to do. i mean, why do you think my neighbours would do. imagine seeing someone at your door with a sledgehammer.
i just came back from the hospital. i got some bad news from someone close to me.
sorry people, if you're getting mixed or exaggerated reactions from me. but don't agitate me. you won't want to see me angry.
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THANK YOU everyone ; 14:49
i actually felt this was more important than the team review, however, it slipped my mind.
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FIRSTLY,
i would like to thank the committee, mainly justin, michelle, larry and xueli for planning the routine. there are many things that they've done backstage and you don't see on the actual performance but you can't forget them.
SECONDLY,
i would like to thank the seniors from the previous batches for coming down to give us advise and guidance. we can only do so much. they have the experience, and from watching us, they can point out what we have to improve on. without them, we might have many points deducted during cheerobics.
THIRDLY,
i would like to thank our current coach mrs keong for constantly watching on us, and ex-coach akane for coming down last friday and giving us very important tips and pointers. seriously, we really appreciate it.
LASTLY,
i would like to thank the blazers family. this includes everyone in tp blazers, not only the performers because we're there as a team to cheer on one another. without everyone of us, this might not have been possible. three cheers to the blazers family!
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it doesn't matter if you're leaving. what matters is that all our hearts beat as one family. that's what important.
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cheerobics; dream come true or nightmare finally over? ; Tuesday, March 24, 2009 12:26
i did a reflection yesterday. many thoughts were raining through my mind. i had a few people to talk to me about it.
i've regarded cheerobics as the wrestlemania of the wwe. it's the grandest stage of all. it should be every cheerleader's dream to perform at cheerobics. but now that it's over, is it really a dream come true or just a beginning of a nightmare?
i've been thinking of it last night. there are still things that i want to achieve. it may not be the least significant to others but important to me.
with people leaving the team, i want to stay on and rebuild an all new team. however, i'm not sure if i can close my eyes and pretend that nothing has happened the past year.
i shall do a THANK YOU list for cheerobics soon.
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blazers review ; Monday, March 23, 2009 12:28
as promised, i'll do the 16-member cheerobics team review now.
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our captain, justin
only one of the few people who really cared about welfare, he has always shown his nice and friendly side to us. unfortunately, many people took his actions for granted and didn't heed his advice.
but he has really been a role model to me and has shown me leadership qualities and how i should do my part as my class' representative.
our vice-captain, michelle
one of the many people whom i only started talking to recently because of my inclusion in the nationals team, she is also another who cares about your welfare.
i admire her for being strong-willed. there's a difference of being that and stubborn. she has confidence in everything she does and has the "never-give-up" spirit.
our quarter-master, larry
i dare to post that many people were actually quite unhappy with his leadership. and i dare to say i'm not being biased just because he trained me from the start.
i would consider him a perfectionist. everything has to be right and there's no room for mistakes. something i once tried and failed.
even that, he has the experience and the power to make important decisions for the team. look at our nationals performance and you know. sometimes, i look up to him as being our cheerleading coach.
simply said, he has taught me many values that some, i use them in my own princples.
our secretary, xueli
everytime she raises a topic during debrief, we all would think of it as paying cheer fund. but it's no easy task. you need everyone's cooperation.
i don't know what to say because we don't really talk much.
bryan
i keep mixing his name with melvin and i still don't know why. he gives me the impression that psychology students come out with all the lame and corny jokes. still, he keeps the training going with his entertainment.
and he's now the new quarter-master. i believe he'll do his job well and not let anybody down.
candy
i recently started talking to her because she was my flyer while i was doing the pitching. she gives constant encouragement to the team. another person whom i've seen the "never-give-up" spirit.
i'll always remember that she told me that she has injured herself till nothing worse can happen to her. it sounds funny.
gary
best known for his one-legged backtuck, his cheerleading life has been marred with constant injures - ankle and wrist. still, his persistency has led him to achieving greater heights.
also a fan of my chips ahoy! and never fails to gather people for dinner.
jasmine
another person i started talking to only recently because of the nationals. she has been an excellent gymnast and also known for being studious. sometimes i wonder how she juggles her time between schoolwork and i realise that she's very hardworking.
i've achieved her cradling me, some sort of granting the last wish by doing an extension on what might be her last day yesterday. not a tossed-to-hand, but it doesn't really matter. failed her shoulder-standing me. i'm ready anytime, anywhere for it. just ask me.
joy
my only impression is that she inspired me to bring honey stars for training sessions. also a late inclusion to the national team, we didn't talk much the same way.
kelwin
we might have started off quite close and slowly drifted away but it doesn't really matter. what matters is the friendship still exists.
our newly elected captain. i only take orders from those above! that sounds like a character in the game chrono cross.
melvin
kelvin and melwin. that sometimes happens at the slip of the tongue. he might have a journal with full entries of being bullied by ken. i might consider him as naive, or we, as too complicated beings. still a good friend though.
simin
i keep typing this line. i started talking to her recently because i was paired with her for nationals dance.
i don't care what others would say. but i admired her best for her determination in getting the swedish-fall up yesterday. for that, i give her the most credit.
suhui
she injured her leg and the most crucial moment, but she was determined to put things right. and i believe she did her best and will always.
terence
i remember he once complained when we suggested him replacing me as the pitcher for nationals. i'll gladly take that place back now. but thanks for everything.
weihao
my pitch/ toss partner and person to assist for extension.
many thing you've said made sense. and that, i totally agree with you.
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i'll do a review for the test later. this took more than an hour to think.
anyway, i love blazers and everyone in it! (:
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national cheerleading championships 2009 ; Sunday, March 22, 2009 23:18
i thought reaching school at 0700 was impossible when i woke up at 0635. i was indeed late, reaching at 0702. the school gives me the creepy feeling when you're walking all alone and the lights never stop flickering.
reached zouk carpark at 0840. first team to arrive. the only advantage is we get to change and style our hair in zouk's small toilets before the other teams arrive.
my parents came and i'm glad that they're both supportive of me in cheerleading.
we got third in the end. rp rexas second and np magnum force got first. honestly speaking, i'm disappointed that we didn't get second.
but quoting from larry and justin, the trophy is just something materialistic. the friendship that we bonded throughout the past weeks and months is what that's important. looking from the side of the team, who cares even if we got first or didn't win anything. it's not that important. what matters is that everyone had fun.
i want to give extra credit to simin even if no one says anything. i think she has tried very hard despite all the setbacks and from seeing how she pushed the swedish-fall up, it left me more impressed.
whoever has my extention photo, please send it to me! (:
it doesn't matter who quits the team after cheerobics. because i've seen what we've been through and how close we've become, we'll always remain as good friends. we don't have to be friends only on the mats.
nationals is finally over. i shall dedicate my time to recovering from my sickness. something i've promised larry and prolonged treatment because of the nationals competition.
i shall do my member review tomorrow morning!
love everyone in blazers! (:
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the grandest stage of all ; Saturday, March 21, 2009 22:47
cheerobics 2009 is tomorrow!
those who are reading this blog should go down to zouk between 2-7pm and support tp blazers.
all our past mistakes will be forgotten. we'll only remember the corrections. everything will be so perfect tomorrow.
good luck blazers! (:
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stressed out ; 00:56
for justin: most of the time, the title and the post has no real relation. and i understand your kind intentions. i'll give credits to that soon. (:
i will do a review of the 16-member cheerobics team after sunday's performance because thats what i think i should do.
i used to think my mother has a high exaggerating skill. i realised today that there are others out there. for example, a "last time" could mean two hours later.
what are promises when no one keeps them. who should i believe when no one can be trusted. even myself, everyone says something but does something else. i must change! i can't be bothered with the people around me.
there is this one person whom i've always taken for granted. the one who would be there everyday asking how was i. the one who would go the extra mile to be concerned. and i would just take it for granted and shrug it off.
for terence: i've updated my debt list to $1000. if i don't work i can't even eat grass next semester.
i wonder why am i typing such long posts. but i feel that my blog helps me to relieve everything in my head. and thats why i love it. (:
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optimism? ; Friday, March 20, 2009 00:40
justin has always told me to look on the brighter side of things. i've in fact, been very optimistic. well, i'm trying.
i don't care if anyone reads this post but i'll get whatever's on my chest out right now. if you don't wish to see the vulgar side of me, quit reading now.
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i've been taking the taxi home for the past three days including today. and the midnight charge doesn't help anything.
i've been consulting the doctor against my parents wishes, and that's left me in a pool of more than $600 in debt. my parents tell me, "you don't recover even when you see the doctor, why continue and waste money?".
when singapore is reeling from the recession, they get two keys to unlock the reserves. i can't even unlock the first key - my parents. if you think i'm loaded, think again. i'm just more generous than most people.
put it this way. i have $8 to get through the rest of my holidays till school starts. i don't get enough allowance, and my friends already stretched their finances to lend me money. you think i don't feel guilty to be imposing on people?
two more days to cheerobics and there's still changes.
cheerleading is seriously giving me enough fucking stress and i wish that i could just give up now. no, that would be irresponsible on my part.
i give my best every training. i try to look as perfect as i can be. other than a handful of people, who really cares about me. all everyone bothers is performance. simply said, if you're the best, we love you. if you suck, just fuck off.
i don't know how long i can continue. living my life as a pretence. everyone just seems to fake.
i'm stressing myself to the maximum and i don't know how long can i take it. the doctor said stressing would hurt my condition. do you think it's my choice?
i just want to forget everything and start anew. maybe into a cca-less and stress-less life with just one or two close people i can really confide in.
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this is not a suicide note. i'm in a clear mind and i know every word i've said and you can hold me responsible for my actions.
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; Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:37
i seriously doubt my credentials of being a cheerleader.
i'm not the best base. i can't even be a proper spotter when i'm given a simple task. i woke up with a clearer mind today, but i may still quit out of guiltiness. i don't know.
three more days and we're still making changes. i know that i'm not in any position to say anything.
going to consult the doctor later. my reserves are running dry. i don't have any keys to unlock. i need to work.
i personally apologised yesterday, but i'll say it again.
candy, i'm sorry.
episode 9 - blair waldorf must pie!
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day 17 of cheer marathon ; Wednesday, March 18, 2009 13:09
i refer to the lifestyle's (two weeks ago?) article on "who are you calling auntie?". i think the "auntie and uncle" thing is a very singlish and impolite way of calling people. unfortunately, i do that too. i should start using "sir and madam" from today!
full dress performance today. short and simple. i realise if i keep blogging on cheer, i'll run out of things to say.
went to the gym with my sister this morning. feeling very restless and tired somehow. queued 30 minutes for yongtauhu and ended up ordering wrongly.
i bought two boxes of chips ahoy! in case training ends late today so i wouldn't feel that hungry. and for whoever's information, i don't stay in the east. i take time to travel and i need to eat. please be considerate. thank you.
episode 7 - victor/ victrola
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day 16 of cheer marathon ; Tuesday, March 17, 2009 13:43
five more days to cheerobics. i don't know whether i'm feeling prepared or not.
okayy, i managed to get the flipping thing done yesterday. but i still needed to count the beats. can't get the timing right by listening to the music.
my father is on leave the whole week. my mother is on leave for yesterday and today. my sister is having her march holidays. everyone is at home but i'm out every night. how many ways are there for one to feel guilty.
need to go jubilee to adjust my spectacles later. they're totally out of shape and it's scratching my face even to this very moment. so i realised what a horrible spotter i am last night i need people consoling me everytime. i'm not feeling myself at all.
episode 6 - the handmaiden's tale
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SHORT hair ; Sunday, March 15, 2009 17:25
i went to meet gerald to cut our hair and my hair is very short now. apparently my meaning of short and the hairdresser's didn't mean the same. anyway, i've six days for my hair to grow back.
went to raiders to play left4dead. my teammates are hopeless. easy also can die.
training tomorrow. and my legs are still aching. why do i think so much of my dance. i keep thinking of what i can't do. sighh. i shall adopt the same tactic as i used before. don't think my timing is correct, i shall follow your timing. (:
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my legs are ACHING ; Saturday, March 14, 2009 21:44
nationals is in eight days and it's getting me worried. can't coordinate the dance well. i've only left with monday and tuesday.
hopefully we'll get the music by tomorrow then we can practise the timing.
i must say that being relaxed of my pitch/ toss services has left me feeling less stressed. anyway, thanks to candy for the consoling. i know what you're getting at.
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looking at other sports, liverpool is leading manchester united 2-1 and they'll emerge winners at the end of the 90 minutes. then arsenal have to beat manu at old trafford also so liverpool can have a chance of winning the title. (:
i know i have reflections to blog, but i can't remember them as i'm typing now.
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friday the THIRTEENTH ; Friday, March 13, 2009 13:41
i shall TOTALLY abstain from chilli. my stomach has minimal tolerance to spicy food recently.
i ate minced fish noodle for breakfast. okayy, thats random.
watched the first episode of season one's gossip girl today. don't really understand, but the concept is different from the oc. done a readup on wikipedia. it's more about college jealousy.
finally, friday is here! training later. 4-6. then i've the weekend to rest and think about my spectacles.
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dejected ; Thursday, March 12, 2009 13:42
this post reeks of sheer pessimism, but i swear that it's exactly how i feel now.
i thought i could shrug it off but i couldn't. i thought that i would feel happier by giving up the post but i felt worse.
maybe i should have tried harder. but i felt i had already put in my best. i was told that i was given enough time. i knew that. perhaps i'm really not cut out for it.
i thought of challenging the post again. but i saw the elated faces of the people who got the stunt up. how happy everyone was that the whole thing looked completed. i was dejected but what could i do. if i belong in the team, i could only cheer them on.
alas, it's over. a new day has started. i shall not think of it anymore and concentrate on matters that i'm part of.
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day 10 of cheer marathon ; Wednesday, March 11, 2009 13:18
i decided to abolish the word "lol" from my singlish in a bid to perfect my english. i shall only use "haha" or my trademark! (:
i think i cannot take any food with chilli. my stomach's been feeling queasy after eating spicy food recently, which led to my recurrence of my sickness yesterday till now.
my pitch/ toss managed to go up to an acceptable height yesterday! can say around or less than 50%. shall try to increase that percentage today. not much time left. i sense the need for an emergency already.
at least 4 hours of training for today and tomorrow. and the sky is getting dark again.
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day 9 of cheer marathon ; Tuesday, March 10, 2009 09:35
i realised i haven't been updating mainly because i don't want to turn on my laptop after i reach home from training and end up sleeping very late. there's nothing i can't do in the morning.
today's the second day of the week. supposed to reach school at 4 but i don't think anyone would be punctual. shall leave my house at 3 and give no allowance.
i think i've got the technique there, but i still can't do the pitch/ toss! 8 more trainings left only. i must master it by this week.
actually i had a lot of thoughts. but i can't seem to remember any of it now. shall blog when i remember. (:
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cheerobics 2009
date : 22 march 2009, sunday
venue : zouk carpark, 17 jiak kim street
time : 2-7pm
people, please come and support! (:
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nothing is free ; Sunday, March 08, 2009 14:33
life isn't a fairy tale. things don't happen by magic, or by wishing on a star. it takes hard work, discipline and control.
there are no happy endings. there is only what we achieve, and what legacy we leave behind.
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exactly two more weeks. i must practise what i preach.
p/s: this has nothing to do with the church. i'm a free thinker. (:
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chomp chomp ; 02:14
went night cycling with shiyuan at chomp chomp! was deciding whether to go there or thomson. wanted to eat astons but it was closed. ended up eating fried hokkien mee at chomp chomp and sharing a very big sugar cane juice.
gym tomorrow! or rather, later. it's two plus in the morning already. first time returning home so late after night cycling.
explored the terrace houses road and found a through road to ang mo kio avenue 3 beside the french school! don't remember the name though. never seen it before.
before i know it, half the weekend is over. back to training marathon on monday. sighh.
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day 6 ; Saturday, March 07, 2009 14:20
the weekend is here! it didn't feel that long, since it's supposed to be the school holidays now. training everyday can be very tiring.
two weeks left. i'm still worried. my dance is not perfect. my pitch toss is disappointing myself. and i can't remember the timings. i don't even have time to think of my cartwheel. think i'll probably be idling during tumbling.
i think i got my pitch toss technique yesterday. hopefully i can perfect it by next week. then i should feel more worry-free.
it's saturday. supposed to gym in the morning but it rained so i went back to sleep. gymming tomorrow. it better not rain!
watching madagascar escape 2 africa now. (:
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day 3 of cheer training marathon ; Wednesday, March 04, 2009 13:57
i realised that if i wanted to blog, i can only do it in the morning because when i reach home after training, it's usually the next day already.
anyway i shouldn't be using my laptop after training. should be lying in bed and resting instead! (:
going to see the doctor tomorrow again. another $72+-. it's a fast and easy way to clean out your life savings for a student.
learnt the whole dance yesterday. now i need to train my cartwheel because i'm going to do that for the tumbling round. and when we tried the whole routine, i realised i've forgotten the counts for the stunts. have to recap later!
lunch at 1330, dinner at 2230. if my father finds out, he'll kill me.
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day 1 of cheer training marathon ; Tuesday, March 03, 2009 00:17
i'm here to update! it's march already. time really flies. it looks like i've said this many times already.
from the outside, my anger management scheme looks to have succeeded. i don't really get that angry now. however, i feel that i tend to let my emotions control me sometimes. i think that if i don't be forceful, no one would get my point across.
anyway, my three-week cheer training marathon has started today! and i got some abrasions from the first day.
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unfortunately, it hurts worse than being sunburnt. and i don't know what i can apply to it so that it can heal faster. :(
day two starts tomorrow. 19 more days!
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